Hello ... I'm so sorry it's been so long since I've written ... well, it's not that I haven't been writing, it's just that I've been writing for school, and reading, and preparing for quizzes, and working at the library, and in the chapel ... needless to say, it's a busy term. But, I am getting the chance in a couple of classes to do some reflective writing and it just hit me that I could actually kill two birds with one stone and post those writings here. So, I'll space out the ones I've already written and add new ones as I write them. And, don't fret, I will get around to writing things just for the blog again, I'm sure (maybe after midterms ...).
One of the classes is a seminar class that goes along with our field placement (mine is at Church of the Messiah and I do plan to write some posts about the goings on there). One of the things we are learning in the seminar is to reflect theologically on the things that are going on around us; to look at all we do and encounter through a theological lens. The professor starts each class by asking "so tell me what interesting things you've seen this week," and we talk about where is God in all of this. We also have to write personal reflections and turn them in. The following is the first one I did:
I have a lot on my plate this term; I was a little concerned about it over the summer and spent time praying about what I could let go. In these prayers, however, God told me that I could do it, that I needed to do all of it, there would be important lessons learned. So, as the first week of the term approached, I carefully plotted out my calendar and prayed for strength and endurance (God, I’m not as young as I once was …). During the first week very little went according to my calendar. I was feeling quite stressed and discombobulated. I was having bad dreams about not getting things done, not being where I was supposed to be, and forgetting what I was supposed to be doing. I was getting too distracted by what might go wrong to concentrate on what I needed to be doing. So, I sat down to pray: “God, you said I needed to take these things on, why can’t they go the way I planned them … Oh, wait, that’s the point, isn’t it? These are not tasks I’m doing for myself but for your purposes. I need to let you form and transform me. Even in the craziness, God, you are present, teaching me. Help me to remember to not hold so tight to my plans that I let go of you. This isn’t going to be an easy lesson for me to learn.”
Looking back on the things that “disrupted” my own plans, some of these were the people around me, in my community, who needed to feel God’s presence. I wonder, if in my stress of rearranging my plans to be with them, did I get in their way?